Some Florida Valentine’s Day golf package ideas from a Cheap Bastard

Appearances aside, the Cheap Bastard is the romantic type. El Bastardo treats his woman like a queen, lavishing her with gifts, tender words, and the occasional romantic golf package for two to a Florida resort . So it really makes you wonder why Los Cheapos never actually has a girlfriend. Thus far my open invitations to Golf Girl , Golf Chick , Jennifer Mario , Michelle Wie , Heather McMichael , Sophie Sandolo , Paula Creamer and Dot Wong have all been met with utter silence at best, and rabid contempt at worst. Heck, I even sent a Valentine’s Day card to Brandon Tucker one year and still haven’t heard back (Not that this Hetero Bastard goes that way, but c’mon, B-Tuck’s adorable). Thus, the Cheap Bastard is unlucky in love. But I do accept that others are much more lucky, and are looking for some way to show their loved one how they really feel. Well, in my book, a discounted golf package is the way to go. Here are a couple of golf packages to the Sunshine State that should make your adored apoplectic with amore: GolfFlorida.com offers several different golf packages, including the Drive For Show Daytona Beach Golf Special that will have you staying at the Hilton Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort and playing the LPGA International Legends course among other courses and starts at just over $300. GolfFlorida.com also offers the The Winner’s Circle package, which includes a stay at the Ramada Inn & Conference Center while playing Golden Hills Golf And Turf Club , Candler Hills Golf Club and El Diablo Golf And Country Club. It starts at $303. VisitFlorida.com has a bevy of offers, as well, including a great getaway at The Plantation Golf Resort & Spa . The Resort offers a unique opportunity to observe native Florida manatees in their natural habitat. Yes, manatees, an evolutionary cousin of the Cheap Bastard. The Winter Manatee Snorkel Package includes one night’s accommodations, breakfast, guided boat tour, wetsuit, mask, fins, snorkel, tax and gratuities. The package rate during midweek is $142 per person per night based upon double occupancy and $209 per person single occupancy; weekend rate is $147 per person per night based upon double occupancy and $220 per person single occupancy. Contact The Plantation for more info. So go out and have a romantic Valentine’s Day with the one you love. And don’t worry about this Bastard, he’ll be spending V-Day the way he always does – drinking moonshine and sobbing uncontrollably in the Florida swamps with Tim McDonald .

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Some Florida Valentine’s Day golf package ideas from a Cheap Bastard

Get your golf travel deals from TravelGolf.com and send William Shatner back to making movies in Esperanto

Back when El Cheapo here was a Teenage Bastard, he remembers the endless rumors of how you could go to government auctions and buy a Jeep for $1. It sounded fantastic, of course, but then you noticed that you never met anyone who had gotten a Jeep like that, and the landscape wasn’t littered with government-surplus Jeeps. Nowadays, your Royal Cheapness gets the same vibe from Priceline. They litter the airwaves with commercials about their amazing deals where you can travel from Pacoima to Paris for $2.50 or so. Yet I’ve never met a soul who has bragged about scoring a deal from Priceline. I know plenty of folks who’ve found great deals at TravelGolf.com’s Hot Deals , but not a one from one of these huge Web sites touting fantasy prices. Personally, I think Priceline is just a government front to give William Shatner a job where he doesn’t have to speak Esperanto . If you want the perfect golf package , TravelGolf.com has them in droves and can make one specifically for you. But hey, maybe someone out there has gotten great deals from Priceline or a company like it where the word auction is tossed around like a carrot on a stick. If you have, let me know. And if someone who works for Priceline writes in pretending to be a satisfied customer, El Cheapo will expose your sockpuppetry to the world. But if Shatner wants to send us a comment, that’d be cool.

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Get your golf travel deals from TravelGolf.com and send William Shatner back to making movies in Esperanto